Dead Man Rhymin’ (a dirge)

…or The Lonesome Death of an Unaccomplished Man

[C]I looked for things I might be good at
I looked far and [G]wide
and the only thing that I was good at
was to run and [C]hide

I looked for things that I could count on
I looked high and low
and the only thing that I could count on
eenie meenie moe

I went to school like any fool
here’s what I got taught
they had a rule that I ain’t cool
and then again not hot

They said to think outside the box
my thoughts, how free they ride
about the box though, a paradox:
I’m still locked inside

I never struck with lady luck
she don’t roll with me
any straw I get to draw
it spells calamity

I had a flame, one sharp of tongue
her heart was made of gold
she said, „Way back when you were much too young
and now you’re too damn old!”

Down in the gutter, rats aflutter
made my home for free
then came the taxman, master ratsman
„There will be a fee”

I walked the alley, walked the valley
the lord said, „You trespass!”
whipped out his rod and staff and hell, he
brought fear unto my ass

I chanted me some Hare Krishna
then looked over yon
and saw a throng of rabid Christians
building Babylon

I tried to rid the world of evil
raise a hue and cry
and all it took was a cold sharp needle
thru my seein’ eye

A hardy old man I did tackle
„Save me from this ruin!”
he said, „All this yankin’ at your shackles
will be your undoing”

I heard a song ’round me a-singing
thought it was for me
and then I saw that I was swinging
from the hangin’ tree

I told the world, stood right before it
said, „Sir, I exist!” —
„Well here’s what’s exculpatory:
you will not be missed”

I looked for someone that would have me
I looked all around
and the only one who’d ever have me
was the cold cold ground

So if at night you hear some fraught
a-wailin’ and a-whinin’
it’s not your conscience or your tot
it’s just the Dead Man Rhymin’!

La la la la la…